Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
