I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
