Your face is a jimmy john
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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