Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
