Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
