guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
