I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
