You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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