Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
