im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize