I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
