Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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