no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
