It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
