I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
