I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
