The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
