just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
