Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
