its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
