You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
