i think my mom watched the whole time
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
