so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
