They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
