Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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