he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
