Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
