it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
