I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
