Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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