So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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