If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
