i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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