once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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