hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
