Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
