you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
