Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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