It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
