You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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