no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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