At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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