Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
