I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
