My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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