I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
