Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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