hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
