...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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