you traded sex for a burrito?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
