and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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