Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Randomize
