In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
