sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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