can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just high enough for therapy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
