Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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