It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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