I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
