hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
