Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
