At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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