I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
