Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize