dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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